30 day kindness challenge

Oh what interesting times we live in nowadays. I feels since the pandemic, the world has become a much smaller place. For safety reasons, we don’t get out much anymore. We are confined to our electronic devices. Social media has largely co-opted our real social life which used to be done in person. Have you noticed yourself becoming a bit detached from your community in favor of “doom scrolling?” I know I have.

A friend of ours had a tragedy recently. Her small dog was attacked by a larger dog and unfortunately succumbed to a punctured lung. Our friend, who is also my wife’s coworker, was devastated and could not work the next day as she was overcome with trauma and grief. My wife started a text chain with her other coworkers to help support our friend. They all pitched in to buy her family flowers and a sushi platter. We delivered the flowers and platter last night, and our friend looked spent with emotion. She just hugged my wife sobbing. She gave us the rest of her deceased dog’s belongings because she could not bear to throw them away.

She texted back later stating that the sushi was the first thing she has eaten since the tragedy, and that she was able to function a little better.

As we have dog-sat our friend’s lost family member, it felt as though we lost one of our dogs too. That night we hugged or dogs extra tight, knowing that all of our time together is limited. Conversely, that was the first time I have felt tremendous empathy in a long time. We felt the pain of our friend, but also felt the joy of being able to help her through this difficult time.

I saw a bumper sticker on a car the other day that said “Make America Kind Again.” That also struck a chord. Social media has taught us to yell at each other from the safety of our own couch. How many Reddit posts do you see that are trending of someone helping out another human being? Rarely.

I Googled “how to be kind,” and got these very simple tips:

1. Smile 

2. Look for ways you can promote peace.

3. Just listen.

4. Offer a hug 

5. Invite someone new into your friend circle.

6. Send out a kind email 

7. Give someone a genuine compliment.

8. Help clean up, without being asked

9. Hold open the door for the person behind you.

10. Encourage a friend or family member when they are uncertain or unmotivated.

11. Make peace with someone that has hurt you.

12. Strike up a conversation with a stranger.

13. Let someone into your lane while driving.

14. Pay for the person behind you in line.

15. Give your time to a friend or someone who needs it.

16. Say Thank You and Please everyday without fail.

17. Meditate on loving kindness: “May you be happy, healthy, peaceful, and free from suffering, and may my actions in some way contribute to the happiness, health, peace, and freedom for all.”

18. Say “I love you” a little more often to your family and friends.

19. Pause before you speak, and choose words with positive intention.

20. Help someone get some rest (watch their kids, run an errand, bring them dinner, etc).

21. Pick up litter you see thrown about even if its not yours.

22. Remove complaints and curses for one week.

23. Gift something meaningful to someone: loan a book, bring flowers, drop off cookies, whatever suits your fancy.

24. Make a donation.

25. Give up your seat.

These are all simple. So I challenge you to practice one or some of these for the next 30 days. I think it will make a difference in your personal life, your community, and even the world at large.

Can kindness be taught?

A while ago when I was attending weekly meditations with my teacher Tom, he said what I thought was a benign statement after our meditation. “Kindness is one of the rarest things you’ll find in the universe.” He is a kind man, so at the time I shrugged it off as just a normal statement you’d hear in any meditation group. Water is wet.

It isn’t until one has a few rough years under their belt when they realize how true and powerful that statement is. Kindness is one of the rarest things you’ll find in the universe. Even when I garden, I notice how certain plants attack each other for sunlight and root space. I notice how the insects prey on each other. I notice how the geckos prey on the insects and so on. At that level it isn’t personal, its just survival in nature.

As we are “evolved” human beings, we can discern whether or not we are kind to each other. More and more these days we are not. From rush hour traffic, to debating politicians, I doesn’t really pay to be kind in a competitive world. In fact, some may see it as a distinct disadvantage.

So at one point soon we have will to decide if this is the kind of world we want to live in. Do we just want to be nasty to each other, or do we want to at least get along enough to maintain our community?

It seems more and more that people come to yoga to find kindness from outside society. As yoga teachers, I feel it is our duty to provide a place for people to come and at least find some sort of respite from not only the outside world, but respite from themselves.

Can you teach people how to be kind? As a person with a background in psychology, I feel it is one of the most difficult things to teach. You can tell someone to suppress their unkindness, but you can’t make someone be spontaneously kind. From a Behaviorist standpoint, you can reinforce the behavior of people who do kind actions. But from the Person-Centered standpoint, one realizes that someone is kind no matter what the outcome and is not looking for a reward.

Now that 30 day challenges are new thing in yoga, I propose a 30 day challenge to find that side of you that is kind and make it noticeable to all around you with whom you interact. If rarity is valuable, and kindness is one the rarest thing in the universe, you will see your personal value leap quantumly.